Giving.

A simple trip to Walmart transformed my day. It was raining out and I was in a hurry, so I parked my truck all the way at the back of the lot and ran for it. As I ran toward the doors I worried about my shoes getting wet so I skipped through every possible puddle as fast as I could. I was there to pick up three specific things, oreos, bread, and I needed to print some pictures. I only had $10 to spend so it was in and out. What a silly trip to the store right? The pictures were the main reason, I needed them for tonight.

As I walked into the store I saw a man asking for pop cans near the bottle return. He assured everyone that he just needed money for some food, as he was hungry and stated that he was homeless. My timing was perfect, I caught the entire encounter. There were three people returning cans, and no one replied to him. I caught his glance for a brief moment and then went in route to the photo department as I reminded myself I had a time limit.. I only printed five pictures, but during that entire ten minutes I sat there thinking of the blank stares the man had gotten. It upset me.

Three things. Pictures, oreos, and bread. I had the pictures done and contemplated the rest. Did I need a $3 package of oreos or a $4 loaf of multigrain bread? I thought to myself, I only have $10 to spend. I put down the oreos and the bread. I went over to the deli and bought what I could for the man instead. Chicken strips, mac and cheese, and mashed potatoes. In that moment I didn't think of myself, I thought of this man. This man I didn't even know. He was hungry, and I trusted that. As I checked out I realized I had spent everything but .79 of the $10. Wow. Perfect.

I knew he would still be there, I just knew. As I walked up to him I was scared. I knew I wanted to help him, but this was something I had never done before. My grandmother would yell "STRANGER DANGER!" if she could see me now. I simply told him I had seen how the people at the bottle return had treated him, and I was concerned that he wouldn't have dinner tonight. His eyes started to tear up and I began to worry I had offended him. I stopped talking. He looked at me and said, "Thank you so much. You are an angel. I haven't seen kindness like yours in weeks." He then hugged me, which was extremely awkward as we were standing in the exit area. I assured him things would get better, he just needed to take it a day at time and find his passion in life. Wishing him a good evening I then left.

I walked the long stretch of parking lot to my truck, I didn't run. The entire time I had this grin on face, yet it was mixed with sadness. I didn't worry about my shoes getting wet, or how I was in a crunch for time. There were just a few tears that ran down my cheek when I drove away. Tears of gratefulness non the less.  I never thought a trip to the store alone in a crunch for time could deliver so much.

Everyday War.

He's still battling his disease,
the constant fight with the bottle.

It pains my heart to see,
bringing tears down my cheeks.

Wanting to take care of my father at twenty-two.
It's something I never envisioned, or should have to do.

Music. Visions.

Lately I find myself rushing through homework and other things I need to complete in my day so I can sit down and write music. I honestly have no idea as to what I'm going with my guitar at this point, but I have all the words to sing. It's hard to explain the feeling I feel when I write. It's almost like the excitement of making a smore to a child.

I'm quiet about what I write. It's not quietness out of fear of judgement. When I write its about everything, its never just about me. I do have a fear, a fear of writing selfishly  I never want to write for myself, I want to write for others. I want to turn their stories into songs and make them smile, make them happy again when they may be sad, inspire them, and show them their worth.

I read For The Sender, a book about a songwriter who did just this. The impact he had on those who sent him stories was astonishing. He inspired me to be just that, astonishing. 

One day I will learn exactly how to play guitar and the combination of my voice and the chords will be heavenly. I will gain that confidence to play for other people, not for myself. See, we always wait for the "someday," and thats what holds us back. Searching for our place in this world with too much effort can hinder us. It will take you twice as long to find who you are if you are altering yourself for others. Be you, no one else.

With My Own Two Hands

Ben Harper and Jack Johnson have been two of my favorite men for quite some time. The way they can capture a song and it's meaning is truly astonishing to me. This is why I think posting about this song and it's meaning to me is needed.

In a brief moment of studying this song came on and it hit me. I have listened to this song hundreds of times over the course of the many years I have known of it. And until now, I haven't really thought this deeply upon it. I've know it is great and about helping others, however in moments like now I appreciate this so much more.It may be the course my life is taking, or it may be me being over-analytical. Either way, the realization touched my heart.

Day to day we hear others complain about things they dislike. We are guilty of giving in and doing the same as well. Every dog has their days. If we sit in the pitty and sit in the problems that irritate us, we are only making it worse. We are only making it a darker place for generations to come. With your own two hands you can help mend what is broken. At first I thought, jeeeesh I can't fix the worlds problems, I can't make everything ok and better by myself. And I was right, I can't. BUT, when you all work together and have a brighter outlook on things we in fact can help.

Kinder Place
Peace on Earth
Clean up the Earth
Reach Out
Brighter Place
Safer Place
Help the Human Race

Use your own two hands. It is truly a give and take world. It cannot just be one way. Do it positively and live for more than yourself. Step outside of the stereotypical selfish world we are often caught in. You got this!

Here We Go

What am I doing? What are you doing?
I started blogging in August and I was doing it to get my feelings and thoughts out. It was an unorganized place of my thoughts and worries. It was not what I wanted my blog to be. So here we go, I have started over and want to create a new set of stories and show the world (whoever takes the time to read this) how I feel. How I feel about the world, society, my generation, my family, marriage, equality, women's rights, the list has endless possibilities as my mind is on a search to better understand the world and why we are continuously trying to fit in.

Fitting in.
This is the perfect part for me to start. I admit it, there was a time when I was not an individual. A time when I was caught up in high school, just hoping to survive. Just wanting to fit in and be accepted. When I found things like painting, singing, theater  yearbook, and student government, it really started to shape me. I was doing it for me. I was completely ok with being the weird girl in theater class, because it was where I was comfortable. It was home.

College is the one place where I have a hard time understanding why people try so hard to fit in. They try so hard to monopolize their group of friends from day one. That's not what it's about. It's about building a support group, finding friends who love you for who you. I have a ridiculous example that you will love. I was taking an Outdoor Living Skills class this past fall. We learned about acorn harvesting. Yes, acorns. It's ridiculous, and funny. When I sent out a mass text to my friends in the residence hall asking if there were any oak trees around them I knew they would find it hilarious. They would find it funny, but know it was me. It was something I was interested in however crazy it may be. I didn't have to fear someone telling me I couldn't wear pink on Friday's. My friends call me weird and awkward all the time, and I'm fine with that. Because I know I am. I am so awkward, and can make any situation weird if given a slightest chance. Don't try to learn something because you think someone else will like you for it. Don't change for anyone, because once they get comfortable with the "fake and molded" person you have become, you will never be able to truly be yourself. Wear the clothes you like, and don't worry about what other people think, it's your body and your style.

What I'm trying to say is simply this, surround yourself and remain close to only those who you feel connected with and those who accept you for you. Building a ridiculously huge group of friends will make you lonely at the end of the day. Social structure is important, but at the end of the day it's all about "I've got your back, and I know you've got mine."

Here is your challenge:  Be you. All day. Every minute. Show how you truly feel, and you will have no regrets. If you want to be a punk, do it. Do you. I'm going to do me.